I remember hearing not long ago a claim (I'm paraphrasing) that if you took a class of beginning grad students and asked them to prove that a compact subset of a Hausdorff space is closed, you'd get mostly correct responses whereas if you asked them to prove the pigeonhole principle, you'd get a riot.
The difference is that for matters like the former question, we're well-trained to use the 'rigorous' part of our brains and clearly link up definitions with an argument to form a proof. Whereas for simple matters of finite combinatorics, we have always just used the 'pre-rigorous' channels of intuition, so we're in unfamiliar territory when asked to prove something of this sort.
Thus, what usually comes out is at best some hand-wavy explanation of why the pigeonhole principle is 'obviously true' that might make certain aspects precise, but is ultimately vague or circular. This is how I would categorize your attempt. You are essentially just explaining the intuition, drawing your mental picture with words and trying to make that come off as a proof. The circularity here is you're appealing to the idea that $[n]$ has a 'larger number' of elements than $[m],$ but usually we rigorously define 'larger number of elements' in terms of certain injections/surjections existing, so this is unsatisfying.
One related issue is that when we try to make these things precise, we have pay some attention to foundations... what exactly are we 'allowed' to assume about the natural numbers? (Apparently not the pigeonhole principle, though it's basic enough that I could imagine it being considered as an axiom.)
The customary foundational assumption useful in this kind of context is that the natural numbers obey the principle of induction, or the well-ordering principle. If you're trying to prove something 'rigorously' about the natural numbers and you aren't using one of these principles, you're probably doing it "wrong". So, with that in mind:
Let $n$ be the least natural number such that there is an $m<n$ with a surjection $[m]\to [n].$ Let $f$ be such a surjection.
Consider the bijection $[n]\to [n]$ that switches $f(m)$ and $n$ and compose with $f$ to get a surjection $f':[m]\to [n]$ such that $f'(m) = n.$ Then, observe that $f'\upharpoonright [m-1]$ must be a surjection onto $[n-1],$ which contradicts the minimality of $n$.
Aside from the innocuous fact that this proof is sloppy about the 'corner cases', we could probably still peck it to death with complaints about implicit assumptions. If we wanted to be more careful we could try to formalize more explicitly in set theory (taking the natural numbers to be the ordinals that don't exceed a limit ordinal) or use a proof assistant.