Since subtraction is just addition in reverse, e.g., $x - y = x + (-y)$, you can focus your efforts on addition and multiplication.
The next step, I think, is to review what congruence means in $\mathbb Z$, since you're familiar with that domain of numbers, right?
Given plain integers $n$, $r$, $m$, what does it mean for $n \equiv r \pmod m$ to be true? It means that there is some integer $q$ such that $n = qm + r$. But a lot of times we don't really care what $q$ is.
Likewise in a quadratic integer ring. If $n$, $r$, $m$ are integers in a particular ring of $\mathbb Q(\sqrt d)$, $n \equiv r \pmod m$ means that $n = qm + r$, where $q$ is also an integer in $\mathcal O_{\mathbb Q(\sqrt d)}$, but we aren't terribly concerned about it for our purposes.
One of the commenters suggested looking at $\langle 2 + i \rangle$ in $\mathbb Z[i]$ and its cosets. I think $\langle 4 + \sqrt{14} \rangle$ in $\mathbb Z[\sqrt{14}]$ might make a better example for you.
If $a$ and $b$ are "plain" integers such that $(a - b \sqrt{14})(a + b \sqrt{14}) = N$ is an odd integer in $\mathbb Z$ (meaning that $N \equiv 1 \pmod 2$), I assert that $a \pm b \sqrt{14} \equiv 1 \pmod{4 + \sqrt{14}}$.
For example, $(7 - \sqrt{14})(7 + \sqrt{14}) = 35$. We see that $$7 - \sqrt{14} = (23 - 6 \sqrt{14})(4 + \sqrt{14}) + 1$$ and $$7 + \sqrt{14} = (5 - \sqrt{14})(4 + \sqrt{14}) + 1.$$ Looking at specific numbers should really help clarify these easy concepts that have been obscured by jargon.