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Modern toilets are oval shaped and longer front to back than side-to-side. They use less water in the basin and are taller. That means modern toilets give you two advantages over old toilets in order to reduce splattering:

  1. The toilet being taller means your pee has less energy as it strikes the surface of the water since you are closer to the water since the toilet is tall (physics reminder: potential energy due to gravity, as your pee exits your body, = m*g*h (mass x gravity x height)), and
  2. having less water in the basin and a differently-shaped basin means you can aim your pee at the inner sidewall of the basin to keep it from splattering. i.e.: your pee strikes the angled porcelain instead of the water, leaving very little if any splatter on and around the toilet.

But, I live in an apt. with an old toilet that is super short to the ground with deep water and no place in the bowl where I can pee onto the porcelain instead of into the water. I'm a clean guy, so after each pee there is water splattered all over the place, from the rim to the seat to the inner part of the seat lid to the floor, and so I clean it up with about 10 squares of toilet paper... each and every time I pee.

In summary, the problems with my toilet which increase splattering from the old-toilet shape include:

  1. deep water--more splatters
  2. no side-wall porcelain I can pee on--so I pee into the water where it splatters
  3. low toilet (high kinetic energy for my pee as it strikes the water) --> more splatters

How can I reduce this splattering?

I thought about sitting and have done it a couple times, but that's just a pain-in-the-butt. It takes so much longer than standing.

This is a serious question. I'm going through a lot of clean-up toilet paper just from peeing. I'd like to save more trees.

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Gabriel Staples
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    Hi Gabriel, Welcome to Lifehacks. Rhetorical question: If you add up your time, effort, material cost, and natural resources lost for the [unnecessary] materials used (for wiping up); does it not compare favourably to the "pain-in-the-butt" for simply dropping your drawers and bending your knees for the duration? I would think it to be a small trade-off overall if for nothing else than to save 'energy'. – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 16:59
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    Low-profile toilet bowl designs are most beneficial for defecating where squatting is optimal for ease of discharging feces. Jus' sayin'. – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 20:08
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    You can buy a new toilet for less than $100. Otherwise just put some toilet paper in there before you piss. It'll reduce the splashing. – YoeyYutch Nov 20 '21 at 07:30
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    @YoeyYutch PLEASE submit this as another useful answer so we can vote on it. (Then delete your comment.) – Stan Nov 20 '21 at 14:07
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    @YoeyYutch: This is an apartment, so replacing the toilet may not be an option. – user2357112 Nov 21 '21 at 04:20
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    I am confused: when you're standing while peeing how do you play on your phone for 25min until your legs have fallen asleep and you have to limp out of the bathroom? Do you one-hand it or just go hands free on the peeing to have both hands for the phone? That would explain any problems with aiming... – joh-mue Nov 21 '21 at 11:25
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    Does this answer your question? At what part of the toilet should I aim to reduce the pee splashing? – Caius Jard Nov 21 '21 at 20:54
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    It takes so much longer than standing. - No, it's actually slower once you factor in the time it takes you to thoroughly wipe the pee off every surface.. |Also sitting down means you're not peeing from height and having a stream that breaks into droplets before it strikes (droplets increases splashing) so you can increase the pressure to evacuate your bladder faster – Caius Jard Nov 21 '21 at 20:55
  • @CaiusJard, thanks for that other link. My question is not a duplicate question, but rather a related question. My question isn't about where to aim (like that question is), but rather it's about how to reduce splatter when dealing with an old toilet design that isn't conducive to standard aiming techniques and modern design that normally work together to reduce splashing. – Gabriel Staples Nov 21 '21 at 21:07
  • @joh-mue lol.. It's also near impossible to drop a cellphone into a toilet one is sat on.. – Caius Jard Nov 21 '21 at 21:10
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    The usual solution is a pedestal mat (which you launder every xxx) but that isn't a hack, it's shopping. – Weather Vane Nov 22 '21 at 11:04
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    @Weathervane always wondered about those.. you stand on a pee-stained mat, and then walk round the house.. Ever notice how the carpet near the bathroom gradually acquires a funny smell? I'm sure it's part pee, part dead skin cells (because who scrubs the soles of their feet in the shower, and ensures they're completely dry before exiting the bathroom), part goodness-knows-what.. – Caius Jard Nov 22 '21 at 11:07
  • (1/2) I just hit 10k views on this question today, so I wanted to provide everyone with a long-awaited update: my "solution" was to sit. I hated it. It was awful. I started getting my phone out while peeing, and my pee sessions ended up taking half an hour and my legs would go dead. Oh how I missed standing! So, we moved out of that apartment and bought a new house with new toilets. But, these new toilets have this feature... – Gabriel Staples Jan 06 '24 at 00:54
  • (2/2) ...where they angle the inside lip of the toilet upwards like a ramp. So, if you sit to pee and don't aim down enough, it shoots up all over the back of your legs and onto the floor! What a feature! So, the solution? Stand, of course! And these toilets don't splash hardly at all while standing. But, if you have to sit, just scoot back an extra inch or two and you'll be ok. Note: apparently women need to sit back extra on these toilets too or it splatters all over the bottom front of the toilet seat. Man I hate that ramp. Toilet designers need to do better. Do some CFD or something! – Gabriel Staples Jan 06 '24 at 00:55
  • (CFD = Computational Fluid Dynamics) – Gabriel Staples Jan 06 '24 at 01:00
  • @GabrielStaples comments have zero visibility, you better edit your existing self-answer, or even add a new one with the update. – Shadow Wizard Love Zelda Jan 07 '24 at 12:22

9 Answers9

43

The classic method for this is simply to sit down to pee.

This virtually eliminates splashing, and any that does occur is trapped below the seat. Only the bowl itself and the seat need to be cleaned; the floor/rugs/etc. never collect any splash at all. I know men who (by report) routinely do this in their own homes to reduce the required cleaning.

Zeiss Ikon
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    Unless they're showing off, most women I know (also by report) routinely do this at home for much the same reason. +1 – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 20:12
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    I didn't mention them because that appears to be the default behavior for women (at least in Western society). Men in the same society, on the other hand, mostly grow up to stand for this function, which is most efficient for wall mounted urinals -- but can be messy for common home toilets. – Zeiss Ikon Nov 19 '21 at 20:18
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    Yes. I've seen a woman win a hands-free 'who can shoot further' contest against guys ! ! ! Truly impressive. – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 20:25
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    Never stand up when you can sit down. Reducing the required cleaning is just a bonus. – Mazura Nov 20 '21 at 02:27
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    I started doing this years ago when living alone because I was so tired of cleaning up all the splash. Took maybe a week of thinking about it and then it was second nature. Highly recommend. – Ben Nov 20 '21 at 04:57
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    However, that makes you a Sitzpinkler. – Vladimir F Героям слава Nov 20 '21 at 17:30
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    @VladimirF Presuming you're peeing in private, and your bathroom is cleaner for less effort from you, what difference does it make? – Zeiss Ikon Nov 21 '21 at 00:07
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    As a western man, I have sat down on toilets to pee for at least two decades. I do not feel that it threatens my masculinity. – Arthur Nov 21 '21 at 11:40
  • Plus, you don't need to worry about getting into fights with the significant other about leaving the toilet seat up. ;) – nick012000 Nov 21 '21 at 15:15
  • @nick012000 All that is sufficient is getting into the habbit of lowering the seat. If you get used to it it is as natural as flushing the toilet or cleaning your teeth every morning and evening. – Vladimir F Героям слава Nov 21 '21 at 17:03
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    @VladimirF I was making a joke about a stereotypical complaint that women have about the men in their lives, hence the winking smiley face. – nick012000 Nov 21 '21 at 17:29
  • I hit 10k views today on the question. Here's a long-awaited update. – Gabriel Staples Jan 06 '24 at 00:57
16

You've got to slice the Gordian Knot differently. Pee in the sink.

John Smith
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My hack is not to pee into the toilet bowl but into a plastic jug, which you can then pour into the bowl from a low height.

Rinse and repeat.

Weather Vane
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    This is, in fact, what my ground-pounding 'kid' brother does and suggests that do the same. It is otherwise called a 'pilot's comfort station' for those like me who cannot pull-over (at altitude) and who's destination is still [too many] minutes away. Pick one up at any pharmacy. +1 sir. – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 19:52
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    @Stan Or "sailor's delight". – Peter - Reinstate Monica Nov 20 '21 at 13:45
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    @Peter-ReinstateMonica - I'd have thought sailors would struggle to miss the water... – Tim Nov 21 '21 at 09:03
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    @user253751 the Tour says "Lifehacks Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to bypass life's everyday physical problems with simple tricks." – Weather Vane Nov 22 '21 at 10:18
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    @user253751 people actually do it, hence it's serious. – Shadow Wizard Love Zelda Nov 24 '21 at 14:54
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Of course, not forgetting that this is lifehacks after all, I vote you consider some gadgetry:

  • Get a funnel, a length of hose, some good quality self adhesive sticky pad cable tie base pads and a pack of cable ties

  • Secure the funnel and hose to the wall, funnel opening at.. er.. waist height, and lead the hose into the toilet

  • If it's a plastic hose, like a typical garden hose, you can warm the hose if you want to bend it to a tighter radius, and hold it bent while it cools

  • If you don;t want the hose flopping around in the bowl, you could use something like one of those disintectant toilet block things to secure the hose to at the toilet end, so the hose output end is a short distance from the bowl side

  • Keep a squeezy/squirty bottle of disinfectant surface cleaner close by the funnel

  • Ensure there are no u-shapes in the hose (where pee can stand and collect/smell)

  • The toilet seat can fold down and the hose sits in the gap - no more arguing over lifting the seat

  • Ta-da! a "poor man's urinal"

Now, you can pee a short distance into the funnel and have your pee communicated directly to the toilet bowl. A couple of squirts of the disinfectant after the job is done should keep everything reasonably sanitary (or at least, smelling that way :) )

Caius Jard
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    I actually like this idea! :) A homemade urinal! Wife may not like it so much. I know Home Depot has some clear tubing I could use. I'll look into it. – Gabriel Staples Nov 21 '21 at 21:58
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    Disinfectant: some "greenies" use diluted white vinegar (around 1:1) in cases where the impact of the disinfectant/deodorant on natural processes is important (typically, composting toilets and the like). Usually a trigger spray bottle i.s.o. a squirt bottle, but both should work. – frIT Nov 22 '21 at 10:22
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Normally, I'd suggest adding a square or two of toilet paper in the bowl. This is the same hack I often use when pooping (experimental analysis has shown this to be effective). But it sounds like one or two won't suffice in your case.

So how about dropping 5 squares of toilet paper onto the water surface before peeing? Or even 10? You're using that much anyway to clean up, and I'm pretty sure it will significantly reduce splattering even in your bowl.

If that still doesn't work, try bundling all the pre-pee squares of TP into a single area of the bowl and aim consistently at this "cushion":

safe landing

AngerySysadmin
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    I'd like to second this. I live in humid Florida and have adopted a routine of doing a quick wipe before urinating (it's not as clean up there as you think). Leaves you fresher and provides a perfect baffle/target. – Ryan Russon Nov 22 '21 at 13:52
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This is NOT a bepee-all-end-all answer. So, please, by all means, provide more.

Kneel. If you're tall, kneel on the floor or a floor mat in front of the toilet. This brings you closer to the water, cutting your pee's kinetic energy roughly by the proportion you decreased your height.

For me, I'm too short to kneel on the floor and still reach the toilet. So, I kneel on a stool. It seems to decrease splattering some. Maybe I use 5 squares of toilet paper to clean splatters now instead of 10.

Looking for more answers, but this is a start.

Here is my toilet and kneeling stool.

Note: all the black marks in the center of the toilet are scratches on the porcelain where the finish is rubbed off--likely from a toilet snake tool used over the years to unclog the toilet (this is an old apartment toilet). The ring around the toilet at the water line? Yeah, that's grime that should be cleaned. That part comes off easily with a brush when I clean it.

enter image description here

Gabriel Staples
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    This position is also helps when praying to 'the great white porcelain god' after a night on the town (pre-Covid-19) in excessive 'celebration'. – Stan Nov 19 '21 at 20:17
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    @Stan I know it as "talking to the dinosaur on the porcelain phone". – Peter - Reinstate Monica Nov 20 '21 at 13:44
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    I always thought I'm the only one with a dirty toilet. – Peter - Reinstate Monica Nov 20 '21 at 13:46
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    It's also surprising through what hoops you jump before you suffer the indignation of sitting down. – Peter - Reinstate Monica Nov 20 '21 at 13:47
  • @Peter-ReinstateMonica - jumping through hoops means the pee gets splattered everywhere. Just don't do it. – Tim Nov 21 '21 at 09:05
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    @Peter suffer the indignation of sitting down - erm. Do you poop standing up? – Caius Jard Nov 21 '21 at 21:02
  • @Stan Driving the porcelain bus. Calling Huey. Shouting soup.. Technicolor yawn. – Caius Jard Nov 21 '21 at 21:03
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    You must have meant the "Pee-all-end-all answer", right? – Stian Nov 21 '21 at 22:53
  • @Servaes, filth? All the black marks in the center of the toilet are scratches on the porcelain where the finish is rubbed off from a cleaning brush (this is an old apartment toilet). That's not filth. The only filth is the slight ring of grime at the water line. – Gabriel Staples Nov 22 '21 at 07:34
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    @Servaes, as for the kneeling on the stool, the real pain in the butt is undoing my belt. :) I haven't undone my belt to pee...in my whole life. I just unzip and whip it out. Undoing my belt and redoing it at the end requires a whole new level of dedication and time commitment to undo my belt to pee now. But yeah, sitting is likely a better answer all-in-all. – Gabriel Staples Nov 22 '21 at 07:35
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I use the kneeling appartus too, but mine is more comfortable with a cushion on it, and I use it elsewhere as well, like when I wash the bottom of the bath tub.

LostNavigator23
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Sit facing the tank, a reverse sit down, and pee. I go to the toilet a lot during my sleep, this way I can lean on the wall because I'm so tired.

Sitting down works better when your trousers are easy to remove. At night I can drop my pajamas with no costs. The trousers I use during the day came off nearly as easy.

Bonus: no pee splashes in your trousers

Careful not to fall asleep on the toilet, but no shame if you do.

icetbr
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Just a little heads up and friendly warning: when the distance between the toilet seat and the water is short (typical in old toilets) and the penis is longer than average, this might result in it taking a dive in the toilet water.

So while the answers suggesting to sit are fine, please keep in mind the above, especially if you have a partner.

Shadow Wizard Love Zelda
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MadderMudder
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    Sorry but I don't really understand what you're saying. I assume you don't want to use "direct" words like penis which is fine but need to find some alternative wording that will make more sense. Feel free to hit me up in private and explain in free wording, I have both email (in the About Me) and Twitter available on my profile. Cheers, and thanks for trying to help, I appreciate it. :) – Shadow Wizard Love Zelda Dec 05 '21 at 10:54
  • I apologize, I've never been good at commenting properly on Stacks. That might have been my best effort, sadly. – MadderMudder Dec 22 '21 at 04:09
  • Here's the facts: My man was blessed with 8 1/2 inches of manhood on a skinny 5 foot 9 frame, although he's also blessed with nothing but muscle from hard labor and overworking himself. Needless to say, all this adds up to exhaustion and, especially late at night, he sits to pee. Our tiny home built by great-great grandparents isn't exactly up to modern standards I guess, no bedroom, doors etc and a short toilet with a tiny seat. I might not have ever known about his weird habit if I hadn't been woken up when he returned one night and decided an impromptu BJ was smart..... – MadderMudder Dec 22 '21 at 04:30
  • I finally got what you were saying, sorry for the delay. Edited according to it, hope it's fine. – Shadow Wizard Love Zelda Sep 11 '22 at 12:58