Over the last month or so I wrote a couple of posts about me worrying a lot about the way my mathematics PhD supervisor was dealing with things. Looking back on these my worries were unjustified and I have since done a lot of reflection upon what went wrong with my studies which made me feel that way. I decided to withdraw from my studies and move back home for a good while to re-evaluate my interests and think about where I want to be in life. I withdrew because:
- the PhD was heavily analysis-based, whereas my background was much more towards the applied side (so the jump turned out to be too great for me in the end), and the choice of my PhD topic was based more on what I felt I "ought to know" rather than what I enjoyed and what I was already good at (out of the PhD offers I had at the time, the one I went for was probably the least suitable for me in terms of background, and this choice was exacerbated by the fact I was under pressure to choose a PhD programme during my final year of my undergraduate course)
- the above led to me finding it difficult to adapt to a routine and I was rapidly losing interest in the topic which had a very negative effect on my work ethic and research progress
- I was experiencing mental health difficulties and having trouble looking after myself
- the above were leading to my supervisors to worry a lot about my progress and so my main supervisor suggested that perhaps I withdraw from the studentship.
For now, my plan is to take a pause from academia and consider doing some teaching work in the meantime (or getting some other real-world experience), whilst being able to rectify any personal issues. So far I feel this has been a really positive move and I have been able to think much more clearly about my future and where my heart is. Furthermore, during my (limited) experience of being a research student, I learned a lot about what happens in a typical mathematics department, what research work usually involves, and what responsibilities a PhD student and his/her supervisor has.
I feel that there is a possibility that I would like to return to PhD studies in the future (I'm not ruling it out, at least), but with much more care and consideration towards the subject area and my suitability for research work.
However, I am aware that having dropped out of a PhD already might potentially hurt my chances if I consider reapplying later on - but I feel my justification is sound, and if I do consider applying for a PhD again in a year or two, then I can explain the situation to potential institution/supervisor and hopefully they would understand.
So my question is - would having withdrew from a PhD programme that wasn't a very good match for my mathematical background and strengths disadvantage me if I wanted to consider doing a PhD later on in something that was much more up my street? Furthermore, if I decide to take this route, would it be worth returning to my original institution where I know the faculty really well and have a good track record with them? (I obtained a 1st class Masters degree from there and was given numerous awards during my studies.)