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I am a first year MS student in an STEM area. For many reasons I didn't enter this subject area and didn't gain ANY research experience until last summer, when I was 26 (now 27). So starting next fall in 2023 I'll likely be a PHD student either in my current school or some other school.

So I'll be 28 when I start my PHD, and if nothing goes wrong, I will get my PHD between the age of 32 and 34... From what I know, this age will not bring me any disadvantage in the job market, either in academia or industry in most of the western countries (not 100% sure, please correct me if this is wrong).

I believe my depression from this mainly comes from the psychological factor: I feel I am inferior compared to younger people in my program who started their PHD at a younger age; even worse, this is my second MS and I didn't even have any significant work experience in industry, so I don't have that excuse either. For a few years, this has often caused me severe psychological trauma and many times an urge to cry, especially when I socialize with those kids and we (casually) talk about age. This isn't right, but I do care about others' opinions, sometimes to an extreme level, and I constantly fear being regarded as inferior or incompetent by my school mates. I also fear that I'll never be as successful as people who started PHD young (I know there are many counter-examples on this, but I don't have that confidence on myself).

Weird enough, in my group there is a student who is even a few years older than me, and seems to be comfortable. I don't have any prejudice against him at all and we are good friends. But when the same thing happens on me, I just can't get through it.

For people with similar experience, how would you get rid of it? Any help or insight is appreciated.

Robert
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    You need to speak to a mental health professional about this. – Anonymous Physicist May 08 '22 at 17:56
  • Over the years, it dawned on me that my perception of what other people think of me is usually flawed, close to 100% of the time. Our mind goes to the extreme; i.e., worst case scenario, but in actual fact, it's far from the truth. So remind yourself when your thinking becomes negative. It also helps to socialize more. In academia, many times, we are alone thinking about our research and live in a bubble thinking about the 'outside' world. – Prof. Santa Claus May 08 '22 at 21:49
  • What did you do in the intervening years? That is, what did you do in the time when you were as young as the other students and now? – Allure May 09 '22 at 02:17
  • It takes a 27 year-old to think that starting a PhD at 28 constitutes being old; best for us not to give an answer to a question with such a ridiculous premise. – Ben May 09 '22 at 06:25
  • I recommend reading this inspiring article published in Nature entitled "Why I got a PhD at age 61" (https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-00949-z). It may help you realize that you are still young with decades of exciting opportunities ahead of you. – Ender May 09 '22 at 16:38
  • I'm in the exact same situation as you, same age. Although I don't fear so much of what others will think of me, I am mostly just frustrated that I am past my cognitive prime (20-25). In the last few years, I've noticed my brain becoming slower and my memory failing more and more. So I can't help but feel like I have wasted my potential to a certain extent. – jonesy May 10 '22 at 19:08

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