How do I deal with feelings of guilt and shame related to how long my PhD has taken?

Question

I am physically disabled. I have spinal muscular atrophy, a degenerative neuromuscular disease. I am wheelchair-bound and am nearly quadriplegic. This is not to complain, but rather to provide context.

My Ph.D. thesis defense is scheduled for less than two months from now. It has been a long road. I am tired.

It has also been literally a long time. It has been 10 years since I got my bachelor's degree and started the Ph.D. program. I only made it this far with the tireless support of my extraordinary advisor and a wonderful department. They never gave up on me.

I am currently struggling with guilt, or shame, that it has taken me so long to get to the defense. My advisor, my department, and my family have not made me feel this way. But I still feel bad that it has taken me so long. How do I deal with feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy?

I believe that all people have value, regardless of their success or failure or their intellectual ability. But somehow I guess I don't believe this applies to me.

I am looking for help, support, or anecdotes related to feelings of guilt/shame/inadequacy in academia in particular (especially Ph.D. programs), and not necessarily about life in general.

Related: https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/87668/how-do-you-come-to-terms-with-the-fact-that-you-might-never-be-among-the-best-in/ — henning, Nov 26 '20 at 21:40
I agree with @henning--reinstateMonica; two of my students have, for entirely legitimate reasons, taken more than 10 years. — Andreas Blass, Nov 26 '20 at 22:58
I had a friend who took 17 years to get their PhD. Primarily, they really liked being in grad school. Eventually reality set in and they rapidly finished up and graduated. — Jon Custer, Nov 27 '20 at 03:11
You should discuss your feelings with a licensed mental health professional. — Anonymous Physicist, Nov 27 '20 at 10:59
https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/11765/how-to-effectively-deal-with-imposter-syndrome-ive-somehow-convinced-everyone — Anonymous Physicist, Nov 27 '20 at 11:01

score 1 · Accepted Answer · answered Nov 26 '20 at 21:35

1

Talk to a counselor about your feelings. They can help.

But you aren't alone in taking a long time. Your disabilities are part of it, but success in research can't really be scheduled. Depending on the research questions you've been asking your extra three years (say) can be perfectly normal. Insight comes when it comes. And, I suspect you've had necessary timeouts for medical reasons.

But you are probably feeling a bit of both burn out and possibly imposter syndrome. Both are common at the end of a doctoral program, even if it doesn't take longer than (whatever it means to be) normal.

Congratulations on finishing. Thank everyone who has supported you.

answered Nov 26 '20 at 21:35

Buffy

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Do you know of any good resources on imposter syndrome? I've heard people talk about it, but I'm not entirely sure what it is. Maybe a "working definition of imposter syndrome" is a good separate question. – Andrew Nov 26 '20 at 21:37
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Start here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome. A search for it on this site will turn up questions with similar concerns. – Buffy Nov 26 '20 at 21:40

How do I deal with feelings of guilt and shame related to how long my PhD has taken?

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